


Sunnyside

by TheRoarOfAtlas



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: (mostly), Affectionate Goddamns, Big Goddamn Heroes, Canon-Typical Violence, Eating Crow On Zorya, Enjoy!, F/M, For Me And For You, Goddamns Everywhere, Grumpy Space Uncle, I Miss Robin Sachs, Loyalty Missions Out Of Order, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 2 DLC: The Price Of Revenge, Mostly To Settle My What-Ifs, N7 Day, Paragon Commander Shepard, Post-Mass Effect 2, Post-Suicide Mission, Smut and Feels, The Blue Suns, We're A Team Massani: The Fanfiction, mostly feels, thirst party saturday, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 14:17:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12632796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoarOfAtlas/pseuds/TheRoarOfAtlas
Summary: Thirsty Crew, another branch off from the usual fare! And just in time for N7 Day! I don't know whether anyone among our fine shipmates has played the Mass Effect, but if you have (and enjoy suffering over non-romanceable characters), this one's for you. This installment depicts a period of time between the second and third games, after the last mission in the second but before Shepard is...detained in the third. This also illustrates a slightly different approach to Zaeed's loyalty mission and the Paragon/Renegade options therein. (I miss Robin Sachs.)[x-posted to Tumblr]Enjoy!





	Sunnyside

It had been raining for days on end. Weather on Zorya had never been easy to deal with, and that was when Zaeed had all the resources of the Blue Suns at his disposal.

 

Now he was huddled in a cave next to a smoky, barely-burning fire. With all the vegetation as green and damp as it was on Zorya, the chances of finding nice dry twigs for a fire were slim to none. If the Vorcha ever found his ass scavenging for _Boy Scout_ supplies, he was relatively certain he could kiss it goodbye.

 

Thirty-three days. He had been stuck here for thirty-three goddamn days. Might be thirty-four at this point. Shepard had blown a proverbial fucking gasket and he had blown a literal fucking gasket and (in retrospect, anyhow) he could _maybe_ see why she might have been irate.

 

Slightly.

 

He probably should have let her in on the whole Vido thing. After all, they’d survived the suicide mission, and she wasn’t _obligated_ to help him, not by anything but her word. He’d led her into the mission blind and Zaeed knew if there was one thing she _hated_ , it was the way the Illusive Man withheld information. Goddamn girl, goddamn _woman_.

 

“ _I’ve done something for nearly everyone else. Let me do something for you_.” She had said when she came to him with a smile on her face.

 

That goddamn smile. He would gladly suffer through _hours_ of Nanny Garrus if he could see that smile aimed at him again. Instead, he slept fitfully; waking up sweating from dreams of women with gun muzzles prodding at his skull screaming _we’re a_ _ **team**_ _Massani!_

 

He wondered if this place and its goddamn spores was getting to him, making him feverish. Sometimes it seemed almost like she was still there. Still standing over him, gloriously tall like a furious deity casting damnation upon some sinner in a lake of fire. Maybe it was the damp, or lack of food and clean drinking water.

 

_Goddamn_ , but they were a team. Her and him, usually accompanied by the tattooed biotic clusterfuck or the baby Krogan. A damn good team no matter who she picked.

 

And he had thrown it away. Twenty years of merc experience and then some ( _much more ‘and then some’_ ), laid at her feet yet she still found him wanting. He had watched her test everyone else. He didn’t really know why he had expected something different, something other than him emptying a clip in the direction of Vido’s gunship and screaming with _years_ worth of rage as he fucking _failed_ and fucking _turned_ on her like a goddamn rabid dog. The heat sink had been what did him in, ejected in a clumsy rush and clattering onto the ground to ignite a trail of leftover fuel.

 

He _definitely_ would have left someone like himself under that beam after the explosion. She’d briefly held her pistol to his temple, but he imagined that was more out of fear and shock at the fact that he’d been about to attack her than anything else. The fact that she had pulled the beam off of him before eventually stalking away, her fists balled up so tightly he could hear her gauntlets creak in protest, spoke to the kind of person she was.

 

In retrospect, he should have known better. He should have told her.

 

Zaeed pulled his battered body closer to the guttering fire, curling up on his side with the sandy, damp floor for a mattress. He was so goddamn _tired_ of thinking, tired of the circling questions in his mind. He cursed his stubbornness. A normal man would have died by now, instead of struggling on.

 

_Why was she crying?_ His brain asked, almost in sync with the pounding headache brought on by lack of nourishment. _Was she crying for me? Why didn’t I listen to her? It’s goddamn ludicrous to think that Commander Goddamn Shepard would leave a bunch of innocents to burn._

 

“ _We’re a_ _ **team**_ _, Massani!_ ”

 

_Goddammit._

 

“ _Massani!_ ”

 

The tears dripping down her cheeks had shone when they fell off her chin, catching the flame’s light…

 

“ _ **Massani!**_ ”

 

Zaeed shook his head wearily. “Losing my fucking mind, cherry on goddamn top.” He grumbled to himself, armor scuffing against his skin as he tried to force his fever-achy body into a tighter curl. _Anything to try and keep off this goddamn wind and rain…_

 

A hand grabbed his shoulder, roughly shaking him conscious. Zaeed groaned at the dull throb of pain, though it seemed oddly far-off to him. He mostly just felt damp, chilled to the bone. A little confused. Nearly overwhelmed by a quiet sense of disconnect from everything. Her face floated, wavering, in front of his eyes, and he felt a smile pull at the side of his mouth. She looked _unbelievably_ cross, and for some reason that made him happy.

 

“Figures that I would dream up something like this,” He wheezed, “Sad goddamn old bastard I am, having a pretty girl come comfort me while I fucking die here in the dirt.” Zaeed almost laughed at the expression her face twisted into at _that_. “I know I’ll…fuck it Shepard, I’m never gonna see you again, am I? I deserve this goddamn shit, I know. Dying on the site of what was supposed to be my most fantastic revenge. You weren’t ever that big on revenge, were you girl? No, you were about your goddamn ’ _no man left behind_ ’ lifestyle. Figures that I was the one you’d break that rule for. You had to know that goddamn beam fucked me up. Couldn’t even lift it off myself.”

 

“ _Zaeed, I’m so sorry._ ”

 

“Shep, I ain’t blaming you. If anything it gave me some goddamn clarity. Maybe…maybe if I had told you from the fucking start what you were in for. You never gave me a goddamn reason not to trust you. You were always good to all your raggedy little _misfits_ , even the Cerberus china doll and the Krogan braintrust.” Zaeed paused. This had been more talking than he’d done for _over_ a month. “But you weren’t a fucking pushover Shepard. You knew exactly when to pull goddamn rank. I guess I just never expected you to have to put me in my bloody place. Sorry ‘bout that.”

 

His side fucking _hurt_. His legs hurt, his head hurt, everything throbbed.

 

“What sort of garbage hallucination are you, anyway? Shaking me awake like a goddamn bastard.” Zaeed tried to laugh but it was mostly a hacking cough, a wet, spore-filled rattle in his chest. “Everything fucking hurts Shepard. I hate this goddamn planet. I just want to be back on the fucking Normandy. Even with that _goddamn_ AI and your _goddamn_ pilot made of glass.” He groaned, blinking slowly as he felt someone slide an arm around his shoulders. “What kind of goddamn…”

 

The someone hoisted him onto their shoulders like a human backpack, like he weighed nothing.

 

“Shep I swear to God, if this is real I’m fucking…I’m eating you out _first_ chance I get as a big goddamn thank you.” Zaeed slurred, fairly certain that he was being dragged to his grave by a bemused Vorcha scavenger. The startled exhale of breath that ghosted across his cheek made him curious though. “You gonna’ kill me? Vido send you?”

 

“You need to be quiet.”

 

It _was_ Shepard! Zaeed had thought he was too exhausted and sick to be embarrassed, but his face heated weakly all the same. He lolled his head forward, resting his chin on her ( _bare?_ ) shoulder and opening his eyes. “Oh…” _What the_ _ **fuck**_ _is she_ _ **wearing**_ _ **?!**_

 

There was a velvety chuckle to Shepard’s left. Zaeed felt the embarrassment take full hold as he realized that Kasumi had heard his enthusiastic promise of oral thank-yous. “A grungy, half-dead bounty hunter. Sure is a lovely change of scenery from what Hock was promising you, Shep!” The thief quipped.

 

Zaeed snapped into clarity for a second. “Th’ _fuck_ were you doing near Donovan goddamn _Hock_. I sure as fuck hope you weren’t in this, er… _garb_ around that slimy bastard.”

 

“A favor for Kasumi. I had to look the part.” Shepard replied curtly. “I did not enjoy it. I did not enjoy _him_. More importantly, he’s fucking dead now and can never attempt to touch me again.”

 

“Can I just say, I fuckin’ _love_ your combats with this dress, great goddamn combo. Ten out of ten.”

 

“I’m not hauling _your_ heavy ass around in the fucking jungle in fucking _pumps_ Massani. Now shut the fuck up. If we’re spotted we are _fucked_.”

 

“Been a rough night, ey Surimi?” Zaeed asked Kasumi, his head falling off to the side of Shepard’s shoulder as he ignored the barrage of f-bombs (just slurred enough for him to guess that the commander _may_ be a bit into her cups).

 

Kasumi nodded, but what he could see of her hooded eyes looked sympathetic. “Be gentle.” She said quietly. “It has been a trying day, Zaeed. Shepard has been out of her element for the duration. And she might be a _little_ tipsy. Just…just a little.”

 

“Got that fucking right.” Shepard snarled, coming up over the last hill. Zaeed was _more_ than content to fall silent, propping his cheek up on her shoulder and watching her breasts rub and shift with vague interest. She could be his _commander_ all she wanted, but at the end of the day it was nice to know she was still soft and female in at least a few senses. Hell, was she even his commander anymore?

 

“Sorry 'bout all the goddamn armor Shep. I’ll bandage up your scrapes once we get to the Norm.” He mumbled the apology almost too quietly for her to hear. _If we’re even going to the Normandy._

 

Shepard shrugged, and Zaeed watched the side of her mouth curl up briefly in a grin. “I’ve had worse, old man.”

 

“Still, you shouldn’t have to fucking carry me. I should be able to walk. That _goddamn_ beam.” Zaeed groaned. He felt Shepard wince underneath him. “Hey, not like fucking that. I know why you did it, Shep. I’m no goddamn whiner. I’ve had plenty of time to yell at myself, I understand.”

 

“You hurt anywhere else, Massani?”

 

“My side. My legs are the main goddamn problem. Pretty sure they’re fucked.” Zaeed grunted as Shepard carefully set him into a seat in the Kodiak. “Not a lot of food either, or clean water to drink. I thought you were a goddamn hallucination, Shep. I thought I was dead.”

 

Shepard hushed him as the shuttle took off. Zaeed noticed with tired interest that when she comm'ed Chakwas there was a tremor in her voice. _That beautiful goddamn voice…_

 

“ _We found him. I think he’s going to be okay._ ”

 

…

 

Zaeed had never seen Shepard _hover_ this much. Chakwas, the old fussbudget, had him stripped down to his smalls for her exam and Shepard was still _in the med bay_ and _in that fucking dress_. At least Kasumi had headed back to her room with a view after making sure he was settled.

 

Zaeed heaved a sigh. “Shepard if you’re going t– _goddamn_ –going to stick around you really ought to change out of that number.” He gestured to the doctor with a flash of his old humor. “Pretty sure if Chakwas keeps rummaging around in my goddamn legs and ribs, fluids will splash. Be a shame to ruin– _goddamn woman!_ ” The mercenary flinched, clenching his fists reflexively when Chakwas literally _scraped_ into his knee with some odd little instrument.

 

“Oh please Mr. Massani, you’ll have to do better than that.” Chakwas chided, slathering medi-gel across his kneecap. Zaeed grunted, Shepard’s nervous laugh washing over him.

 

“I know, I know. It’s weird seeing me in this. I do kind of like it though, wearing the dress.” Shepard admitted, smoothing her hand down the side of the skirt. “It makes me feel pretty.” She continued with the characteristic honesty of a drunk.

 

“Y’ don’t need a goddamn hunk of material to make _you_ pretty, Shep.” Zaeed blurted, almost biting his tongue in half as soon as the words escaped. “Guy like me now, you’d have to put me in six goddamn suits to come even _close_ to fucking decent.” He scrambled to add, trying to play off his compliment.

 

Shepard’s eyes widened slightly, her head cocking to the side. Zaeed swallowed hard. “Thanks, Zaeed.” She murmured.

 

_Oh Christ, what fresh goddamn hell have I slammed myself into_.

 

…

 

Zaeed _hated_ being on bed rest. He had been ordered to stay in his bunk and regain his strength, and Chakwas’ orders bore no disobedience. It had been a _week_ of this shit, just letting his immune system work through whatever plant life had taken up valuable real estate in his lung space.

 

He must have cleaned Jessie six times today, bored to goddamn tears. In the middle of another knife-tossing contest with himself, there was a warning chime from his door. “Who dares disturb my goddamn solitude?” He asked loudly, pulling himself to his feet and keying the door open. _Oh._ It was Shepard. “You’re a sight for sore goddamn eyes, make no mistake about that.” Zaeed grumbled, waving her in. “What brings you down to my humble little abode?”

 

He noticed after returning sulkily to his bed that she hadn’t walked into the room at all. She was just camped out in the doorway. Zaeed took in the way she was wringing her hands, and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Shep?” She looked like she was about to go to pieces. He’d never seen her so pensive. _Well actually, right after that goddamn_ _ **fruit**_ _Alenko spouted his preachy Alliance bullshit at her on Horizon…_ “You alright? Something on your mind?”

 

“I uh. I wanted to apologize.” Shepard mumbled. Zaeed was thrown for a loop. Shit, the time on Zorya had been more than sufficient for him to get his fill of eating crow. Shepard rescuing him had been an apology and then some, _so why…?_

 

“Get in here.” The grizzled merc ordered, auto-locking the door behind her. Obediently Shepard took a half-step into the room and stood there, staring at the floor like a child in trouble. Zaeed got back to his feet with a strangled swear, making his way to her and grabbing her chin. “How _dare_ you.” He snarled, watching her eyes light angrily. “Who is this, this timid goddamn mouse of a Shepard? You ought to be ripping me a new goddamn asshole, _Commander_. What’s fucking happened to you?”

 

“I made a mistake!” Shepard exploded, jerking her chin out of his fingers with ease. “I shouldn’t have abandoned you! It was wrong! And…And I’m sorry!” She all but yelled her apology in his face, her step forward making him take a wary step back. She seemed to deflate then, returning to staring at the floor. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t stop worrying about you. Even when I tried. And I tried so fucking _hard_ Massani. I know that to you, being marooned on a hostile planet by the 'great Commander Shepard’ would be the ideal end. And I couldn’t…I _couldn’t_ do it.” She wiped her eyes and sniffled quietly, surprising the fuck out of Zaeed when she muttered, “I couldn’t get you out of my head. I missed your ’ _goddamns_ ’ and your ’ _fuckalls_ ’. I missed your advice and your expertise. There’s been a few situations that I could have used your input on while…while I left you to rot on a tropical rock.”

 

“Goddamn, Shep.” The mercenary was at a loss for words. “I didn’t know.”

 

“Of course not. How could you?” Shepard retorted. “I didn’t exactly _announce_ that I appreciated your blood-soaked experience.”

 

“You goddamn _missed_ me, though?” Zaeed asked incredulously. “I did _not_ expect that.” He sat back down on his bunk, running a hand through his hair. “Not for a goddamn second.”

 

“Yeah, I _missed_ you. I was at that stupid party with Kasumi and all I could think about was what you might say as far as the stuffy art on the walls, or the shit music and terrible company. I drank more than I should have and after that, well, you know the rest.” Shepard shrugged. “Kasumi didn’t try to stop me though. _Also_ didn’t try to get me back into my armor. I think she just wanted to see if I’d actually do it.”

 

“Th’ hell would she have done if you were goddamn spotted?” Zaeed questioned, his stomach dropping out unpleasantly at the thought.

 

“She probably would have sent me out on a rampage. In that dress with my Claymore.” Shepard snorted. “Helluva’ fight, as you would say.”

 

“That’s goddamn outrageous and you know it. Fucking hell.” Zaeed hated the warm feeling he got in his chest from her using his terminology. “I can hear the headlines now, ’ _Commander Goddamn Shepard killed in a Blue Suns shootout, found in slinky black number._ '”

 

“I want to be _buried_ in that dress, Massani.” Shepard grinned at him. “Look, do you accept my apology or not?”

 

“Goddamn it, Shep, you got nothing to apologize _for_.” Zaeed protested. “If it’ll make you stop though, yeah, alright? I accept it.”

 

“Okay good, because Garrus said if I kept pacing in the mess area he was going to throw me out of an airlock.” Shepard laughed and grabbed the merc’s arm, an action that would have resulted in a broken nose for nearly anyone else. “C'mon, I _finally_ got Gardner those new ingredients he’s been hounding me for. Let’s see how well the evil genius works.”

 

…

 

Rupert didn’t necessarily _outdo_ himself with higher-grade ingredients, but even Zaeed had to admit that the new fare was a bit better than his usual grub.

 

He also had to admit that maybe… _maybe_ he saw Shepard a little differently after her apology. A lot differently.

 

_Goddammit_.

 

This whole business had started out harmless enough. Somewhere along the way though, things had gotten goddamn messy in his head. _Mass relay. Suicide mission_. ’ _Your Illusive Man can move a lot of credits._ ’

 

And then they hadn’t _died_. On the _suicide mission_. He would be the first person to tell anyone that he specified in impossible operations, but that one had tipped the scales _significantly_ as far as his credibility went.

 

He told himself that he stuck around afterwards because Shepard goddamn _owed_ him. She had promised that the contract he’d picked up prior to being hired would be seen through. Didn’t mean he wasn’t surprised all the same when she’d approached him to ask about Zorya. “ _I’ve done something for nearly everyone else._ ”

 

She would listen to his stories while she compacted the trash, quiet mechanical whirring barely audible over the heavy rasp of his voice. He regaled her with an assortment of his nostalgic tales, his ‘ _helluva’ fights_ ’ and cautionary warnings about how smoking killed. “ _Got a minute? You might learn something_.”

 

He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he’d started looking forward to her visits. He’d rattle on with just about any willing ear, so it was strange when he found himself holding on to better chunks of a story and thinking, ‘ _Shep will love that_ ’. It was strange when he ended up beside her on more and more of her missions, him and _Grunt_ of all aliens, bless both of that poor, conflicted Krogan’s hearts. Helluva’ alien, that bastard, even with his shiny peach skin. Zaeed was hardly one to talk about appearances though.

 

It became normal at some junction of their adventures that he would shout at the Commander to _get down!_ , to force her into cover. She didn’t seem to have an ounce of self-preservation in her genetic makeup. He supposed being brought back from the goddamn dead would do that to you but according to Joker, Shepard had always been that way.

 

“ _She protects with her whole body, Zaeed. A soldier to the end_.” Joker had been uncharacteristically serious when he said that, the pilot’s eyes set straight forward.

 

Massani had heard mutterings of the fact that Joker was a large part of why Shepard had wound up dead in the first place. He imagined that guilt could weigh heavy on a man, especially if the dead person you had on your conscience was rebuilt from the ground up as a goddamn science-y mishmash of Frankenstein’s Monster proportions.

 

Goddamn Cerberus.

 

Her focus was absolute when they were on fieldwork. She would have been a damn good merc back in the Suns, if it wasn’t for that goddamn morality she carried like a backpack full of emotional bricks. Every damn life she could spare, she did. She didn’t even seem to give a shit that it made her look impotent, spineless until she pulled rank.

 

He still respected her leadership, of course. He knew as well as the next man that they couldn’t just lop the head off of _every_ Batarian slaver. Zaeed’s favorite missions were still the ones where they had no other option but to fight their way out. With a roaring, blood-soaked Krogan on one side and a swearing, shotgun-toting Commander on the other, he felt like they could take on the world. If Jack was with them instead of Grunt, Shep tended to _try_ and be more level-headed. For the sake of the self-proclaimed ‘ _Psychotic Biotic_ ’.

 

He’d never had a Krogan fall asleep on his shoulder before he’d met Shepard. Never faced a Thresher Maw, and on _foot_ no less. Certainly never dealt with a goddamn Human-Reaper hybrid, _that_ had been one for the PTSD nightmare library and make no goddamn mistake. Those huge, glowing eyes and massive grasping metal fingers hungrily clawing their way around the platform. The strange part was that the worst bit wasn’t even that giant monster.

 

It was when he and Jack had already made their jump to the Normandy and that last sketchy platform had plummeted into the darkness, leaving Shepard on the other side of a gap that seemed to yawn wider with every second that passed. And of course she’d jumped, like a goddamn _lunatic_ , and caught the rim of the hull door with her goddamn _fingertips_.

 

Jack had frozen, the biotic exhausted and horrified into being paralyzed. They were already crowding Joker in the tiny area as-is, the glass-boned pilot raining bullets down on the Collectors that had followed them. Zaeed did the only thing he could do. What any sane man _would_ do, faced with the notion of someone goddamn important to him dying.

 

He sacked up and grabbed Shepard’s arm.

 

For a panicky moment his fingers slid over her smooth hardcase armor, then he found a groove where her elbow joint was and bit down. Shepard clung as high on his own arm as she could, her gauntlet digging into the tattooed skin between his armor plating.

 

They hung there for a breathless second that seemed to last a goddamn _eternity_. Zaeed would swear he could feel her pulse thundering even through her armor. She just looked up at him, and it disturbed him on a deep, rarely-visited level to see how peaceful she was. She would die here if she needed to. If it meant saving their lives. _You selfless_ _ **bitch**_ , he remembered thinking in irrational fury, rage giving his weary body the strength it needed to pull her up onto the loading area. “ _Not goddamn today, you’re not_.” Was all he’d grated out, shoving her face against his chest and crushing her to him.

 

Grunt had given him a light (by Krogan standards, anyway) headbutt in thanks for saving his Battlemaster. “ _She has no equal_.”

 

“ _You’re goddamn right about that_.”

 

Twenty-something years of mercenary experience laid at her feet. His revenge plan was shot to pieces and that damn irrational fury of his reared its ugly head. He’d considered her important enough to save, whether she _knew_ that or not was irrelevant and he wasn’t about to goddamn tell her. The cold chill that ran down his spine from having the muzzle of her pistol pressed to his forehead had nothing to do with the actual temperature of the weapon. She hadn’t even _cocked_ the damn thing. He could have easily torn the gun from her slack grasp, turned it on her.

 

Cerberus may be damn good at bringing people back from the dead, but Zaeed had the feeling that the Illusive Man wasn’t quite so onboard with Shepard once she’d announced she was saving humanity _her_ way. If Massani (or anyone else for that matter) put two in her head, she’d stay goddamn dead.

 

Yet he didn’t, even in a blind, seething rage. He’d ruminated on that a bit during his _vacation_ on Zorya. The fact that he’d even _thought_ that was an option made his guts seize once he’d cooled his heels for a few days. And when it was apparent that he was well and truly alone (or as alone as one could be on a planet populated by a two-bit sham of the hostile force he had started with Vido), the regret had set in goddamn _beautifully_. He hadn’t thought it would end _quite_ like this. After all, that handsome amount of credits from the Illusive Bastard didn’t do him any good holed up in a damp, humid cave.

 

“ _Got a minute? You might learn something_.”

 

She had _missed_ him. Tense emotions warred in his mind. Just how _much_ had she missed him? Enough that she needed to get goddamn _smashed_ at a party and fly God only knew how far to get back to Zorya, so…how much did _that_ equal out to?

 

He wasn’t about to ask. Better not to press his luck on that one. It was probably a legendary moment in the ’ _Commander Shepard_ ’ book that she admitted to being wrong in the first place. Not that she’d actually _been_ wrong, he _had_ drawn a gun on her with the absolute intent to kill. Old habits died hard, old mercenaries died even harder. She _should_ have abandoned him.

 

“ _I don’t want you on my ship_.” There had been a quaver in her voice. He’d mistaken it for fury back then. “ _You’re a danger to the others, Massani_.”

 

“ _Goddamn leave then!_ ” He’d screamed at her, all piss and vinegar even as he fought to free himself from beneath the heavy metal. “ _Go on! Nobody fucking asked you to goddamn stay,_ _ **Commander!**_ ”

 

“ _I’m not leaving you to fucking_ _ **burn**_ _Massani, Jesus. Give me your hand._ ” She’d grappled with him for a moment, Zaeed stubbornly avoiding her grasp until she gave an exasperated huff of breath and just lifted the whole beam off of him like it was made of cardboard. “ _Give me your fucking_ _ **hand**_ _, old man_.”

 

“ _Fuck you, you…self-righteous, goddamn_ _ **mechanical husk**_ _of a bitch!_ ” The raw insult had rolled off his tongue and she had the grace to fold her arms across her chest instead of slugging him in the mouth like she should have. She had confided in him a deep fear that she may not even be the real Shepard, but some gruesome approximation of Commander Shepard cooked up by Cerberus to gain the trust of humanity. Zaeed rarely fought fair though. “ _Standing up there all high and damn mighty like you didn’t just cost me twenty years of my goddamn_ _ **life!**_ ” He knew spit was flying at this point but he was too enraged to care, turning onto his back. “ _Look at my fucking_ _ **face**_ _, Shepard! This goddamn ugly face that I see every goddamn day in the mirror! He took everything from me! My life, my livelihood, my men–_ _ **everything!**_ ” He jabbed a finger at his own face, at the scars and non-functional eye. “ _You expect me to let a man walk free as a goddamn bird after he mutilated me?!_ ”

 

“ _I_ _ **expect**_ _you to understand that I didn’t intend to cost you your closure, but I’m not standing by and watching civilians burn to death if I can help it, Massani. If you don’t know that by now I guess there’s no helping you_.” She heaved a heavy sigh. “ _If you had just been straightforward about this-_ ”

 

“- _I would have gotten some grand speech for my goddamn trouble_.” Zaeed had replied bitterly, the pain in his legs and ribs settling into a searing throb. “ _You and I both know you wouldn’t have helped me kill Vido_.”

 

“ _ **Never**_ _underestimate what I would do to help my friends._ ” Shepard answered through gritted teeth, extending a hand yet again. “ _We can drop you off on Omega._ ”

 

“ _Like_ _ **fuck**_ _you will. Get the hell away from me._ ”

 

When he refused to take her hand for the second time, she had retracted it and clenched her fists tightly. She had left without another word, marching back to the Kodiak and not sparing him so much as a last glance over her shoulder or her infamous ’ _I should go_ ’.

 

He’d figured that was it. Staggering and half-walking away from the area as best as he could, his patchy memory reminded him of one of his old hidey-holes. Upon arrival he’d collapsed, his knee giving out and his side momentarily hurting worse than anything else. _Goddamn_ , he was too old for this shit. Zaeed grimaced when he heard the faint whine of the Kodiak’s engines.

 

So that _was_ it, then. All because he just _had_ to go in all cloak and goddamn dagger. Nobody could know that he was Zaeed Massani, betrayed co-founder of the Blue Suns. Couldn’t have let her know. Nope. Too risky.

 

Zaeed thumped his forehead against the cave wall and groaned.

 

_I’m a goddamn fool_.

 

…

 

Kasumi tipped him off before Shepard actually got to his room and Massani knew he shouldn’t ruin the surprise. He tried to be nonchalant, laying on his back in his bunk and doing his best to seem bored. Not difficult, due to the fact that he was going stir goddamn crazy being a layabout.

 

Shepard keyed the door open and practically ran across the room to his bunk. “Massani!” She said excitedly, a datapad gripped tightly in her hands. “A contact came through! Guess who we’ve got a bead on?”

 

Zaeed sat up slowly, took the datapad from her just as slow. Her smile began to fade while he tapped at the screen, the mercenary silently absorbing the new information about his target. “You…” Zaeed was at a loss for words yet again. His palms were sweating, adrenaline spiking because _here it was_ , he hadn’t missed out on his revenge after all. Just delayed it a bit. “I…dammit woman, come here.” He said finally, standing up and pulling her into a tight embrace. “You goddamn clever little _bitch_.” He muttered affectionately, startled when she relaxed in his arms and made no move to leave. He cleared his throat, then gingerly rested his cheek on the top of her head. “Thank you for not giving up on me. Even when you tried to.” The words felt strange. This whole _scenario_ felt strange.

 

“Someone has to make sure you’re not left to your own devices. It’s a big galaxy, but I don’t know if it’s big enough to contain _you_.” Shepard pulled back, smiled up at him and-

 

Oh no, oh goddamn no. Absolutely _not_. Zaeed was ashamed of himself for even considering that. What the _hell_ was wrong with him? She’d just given him the keys to the goddamn castle and yet his greedy ass wanted the goddamn _impossible_. Zaeed stepped back, clearing his throat again. “Am I going alone, Commander?” Something in his chest pulled tight when he saw a bit of the excitement ebb out of her.

 

“I wanted to go with you, but…I mean, I can understand if you’d like to go in by yourself this time.”

 

“As if it would be a helluva’ fight without Commander _Goddamn_ Shepard.” Zaeed replied before he could think, a stupid smirk quirking his mouth up. Her smile returned full-force and he decided that no matter what happened, _that_ was important to him. “Any goddamn bleeding-heart collateral I have to worry about this time, Shep?”

 

…

 

_Never underestimate what I would do for my friends_.

 

They stormed into Vido’s shitty little emergency bunker ( _these places all looked the goddamn same after a little while_ ) and before he could move, Shepard had her shotgun to his chest. “Remember us, Santiago?” She asked coldly.

 

Zaeed relished the fear in the other man’s eyes, the terrified confusion that slowly settled into recognition. “Should have known.” Vido snarled. His fingers twitched over the gun on his hip.

 

“You’re goddamn right you should have.” Spoiling for his revenge after he’d been cheated out of it last time, Zaeed snapped a fresh heat sink into his pistol and leveled the weapon at Vido’s head.

 

“Killing me isn’t going to fix anything, Zaeed. It’ll just make the Suns turn on each other. You really want to burn down everything that we built together?” Vido sounded incredulous.

 

“I’ve seen what your _leadership_ made my men into already.” Zaeed prodded the muzzle of the pistol into Vido’s face, pressing it none-too-gently against the socket of his right eye. “They’re little better than goddamn guns for hire, you brainless _fuck_. Some of ‘em too young and stupid to be in charge of pulling a trigger.”

 

“I had to take care of the trash. It left our numbers weaker, even with the Batarians.” Vido’s eyes narrowed. “You and your fucking slaver hangups. If you weren’t such a bleeding-heart _shitbag_ , I wouldn’t have had to put you–”

 

“I’m not _ever_ going to be goddamn willing to deal in slavery, especially entire shipments of _little goddamn kids!_ ” Zaeed roared at the younger man, silencing him. “You’re paying for every goddamn shipment you ever sent through, with your life and the lives of the men you had stationed outside. You’re paying for what you did to me. And you’re paying for what you’ve done to the once-proud Suns.” Zaeed smiled then, a nasty, bone-chilling grin. “I’ll see you in hell, Vido.”

 

Vido had always been the faster gunman of the two of them. The bastard had his pistol raised and pressed point-blank to the Commander’s stomach before Zaeed could finish pulling the trigger on his own gun.

 

Their almost-synchronized shots rang in Zaeed’s ears and Shepard made a strangled noise. Vido tipped back over the bunk, his eyes rolled up in his head. His pistol dropped from his limp fingers and clattered onto the concrete floor. Shepard fell to one knee.

 

_Never underestimate what I would do for my friends_.

 

Zaeed wanted to scream. His throat went dry as a bone, his brain already calculating how quickly the Kodiak could make the trip. _What the hell will Garrus say?_ He still had some medigel, maybe he could-

 

Shepard grunted and got back to her feet. “Ugh, knocked the wind out of me for a second. _That’s_ gonna’ leave a bruise.” She grimaced, briskly dusting off the plating over her stomach before turning to the mercenary. “Alright, let’s-”

 

Zaeed jerked his pistol down into its holster, swept her up in his arms and pressed a kiss to her mouth. Greed be fucked, propriety be fucked. “What the _fuck_ , woman?” He growled, immensely gratified by the way she tucked herself into his chest. “Christ, I was halfway to slinging you over my goddamn shoulder and hightailing it back to the Kodiak. You know damn well your nanny Garrus would tear me six new holes if something happened to you.”

 

“Didn’t you pay attention to all those upgrades I worked so hard to get?” She asked, lacing her fingers shyly through his own. “Lots of interesting specifications.”

 

“All I care about is the fact that your insides stayed where they goddamn belong.” Zaeed had never seen her so kittenish, she was practically _kneading_ his armor. “Thought…hell, I thought I’d lost you for a second.”

 

She made a dismissive gesture. “It’ll take a lot more than that peashooter to stop me.”

 

“Goddamn right.” Zaeed realized that he’d put them in an _incredibly_ compromising position with his idiotic emotions. “Look, Shep, I’m uh. I’m not exactly sure what you’re looking for in a… _partner_. I know you and Alenko had something, because I doubt you’d let just _any_ goddamn punk upbraid you. I’m not a young man, not as spry as I used to be.” He shrugged awkwardly. “I’ve still got a few years in the tank, if you’re…er, interested.”

 

Shepard ducked her face into his chest and Zaeed saw her shoulders shake. His stomach dropped out. Had he disgusted her? Was he taking advantage of her at a moment of weakness? Christ, getting shot in the gut was still bound to bring back some unpleasant memories, better plating or no. But after a second he heard a stifled snort. She was _laughing_ at him, the cheeky little bitch. “I mean, if you think you’ll be able to fend off the Alzheimer’s long enough for me to get some use out of you. I’d hate to have to visit you at the old folks home for date night.” She teased.

 

Zaeed found himself smiling without meaning to, gently knuckling the side of her head. “Goddamn lucky man, I am. Spending my last fragile years with an exciting young thing like yourself. You’ll have to go easy on me. My hips are a bit frail.” He squinted. “Also who the hell are you? I’ve forgotten my goddamn spectacles.”

 

Her laugh was delighted and it sent a warm shiver down his spine. Like the first, glorious taste of whiskey after a long tour away from Omega. He could tell he was in for a helluva’ time.

 

…

 

She was _much_ younger than him, but it was good to know he still had it. He _had_ promised to eat her out, hadn’t he?

 

He wasn’t sure what kind of action she’d gotten from Alenko. Kid was a biotic, so he probably had a few tricks up his sleeve. But judging from the way she was whimpering and squirming against his mouth, Zaeed got the feeling he didn’t need to worry too much. Her fingers dug into his short-cropped hair, making him hum softly.

 

_This is goddamn perfect_.

 

Zaeed paused, propping himself up to carefully kiss the bruise on her stomach. “You’re not taking another bullet for me ever again, got it?” He asked seriously, meeting her eyes. “I’m goddamn firm on this one, Shep. I’m not one foot in the grave but I’m sure as hell ahead of you on the list. So please.” He rested his forehead there for a minute, unable to maintain eye contact. “You’d better be goddamn careful from here on out.”

 

“I will be. I promise.” She said softly, still kitten-kneading on his scalp. Zaeed ducked back down to finish what he’d started, fingers pressing into her beneath his hungry tongue. He loved the way she rolled and bucked her hips like she couldn’t get enough of him. Scarred, grizzled bastard that he was, every twitch and whine was _absolutely_ stroking his ego.

 

“Goddamn _come_ for me, Shep.” He snarled finally, feeling her quiver. “You’d best goddamn come, hear me? Come on my mouth, because I’m not putting my cock in you until you do. Come for me, come for me-” Shepard sobbed out, working her hips up at him and then going totally still as she came. Zaeed greedily devoured her, the high-pitched noises that she offered him almost as delicious as her taste. Her hands trembled in his hair and he chuckled when she yanked on a handful. “You alright up there, Shep?”

 

“He asks, like he didn’t just give me the best oral I’ve ever had.” Shepard was still panting for breath, smiling that goddamn smile.

 

Zaeed was sure his own grin was outright _insufferable_. “Picked up a few tricks here and there. You still up for round two?”

 

“Give it your best shot, old man.”

 

“I goddamn intend to.” Zaeed languidly crawled up over her, pressing kisses here and there on the way to her mouth. “Helluva’ woman, you are.” He said quietly, feeling almost reverent as he kissed the hollow of her throat. “Putting up with an old merc like me. Hell, coming _back_ for an old merc like me. I’m goddamn honored, Shep.”

 

She cupped his face and pressed their foreheads together, searching his eyes. Zaeed glanced away, clearing his throat, but she just turned his head gently. “Don’t hide from me, Massani.”

 

“Love it when you’re forceful, Commander.” He teased, getting her to smile again. The first lazy brush of his cock over her cunt had her closing her eyes and relaxing underneath him. Her hands slid to his shoulders, fingers resting on the tattooed skin while he slowly pushed the head of his cock into her. Zaeed meant to hum again but it came out as a growl and she trembled all over at the sound. “Goddamn _Christ_ , Shep, not hurting you right?” He managed to ask.

 

Her response was a growl of her own, her fingernails raking over his arm. “ _More_.” She demanded and he found himself unable to do anything but obey.

 

“Yes _ma’am_.”

 

He would never forget their first time together. Every touch, every taste was burned into his memory. She kept gently caressing the scarred side of his face, like she was trying to remind him that it didn’t matter, she didn’t care. Zaeed had never really been one for meaningful sex _before_ he’d had half his goddamn face blown off, even less so after he’d healed. For obvious reasons. So it was…odd, to be alright with someone _touching_ that part of him. Especially while they were being intimate.

 

“It’s not goddamn fair that you’re so good to me.” He grunted, brushing the hair out of her eyes and cupping the back of her neck to press their foreheads together (albeit clumsily, this _was_ new territory). Her eyes were half-lidded, hazy with pleasure that sent a hot wave of _satisfaction_ down his spine. He was doing well, her little sighs and moans of his name ( _his name!_ ) encouraging him to continue, “That’s right, Shep, _that’s_ right.” He rasped, not sure if he was smiling or smirking and not much caring either way. “I’m goddamn close, so if you’re planning on getting off again you’d better-”

 

Her teeth sank into the Suns tattoo on his neck, hard enough to break the skin. Zaeed faltered, legitimately embarrassed by the pitch of the noise he made. His hips crushed down to slot with her own and she keened through her teeth, her inner walls gripping his cock.

 

“You wicked little _bitch_.” He gasped when he trusted his voice again, resting his forehead against her shoulder as she came with a scream muffled by the skin of his neck. “I _love_ you.”

 

She responded by digging her fingers into his spine and taking him as deep as she could, biting and licking feverishly at the tattoo on his neck. “Love you–too-” She panted, and Zaeed closed his eyes and surrendered to her.

 

When he could feel his extremities again, Zaeed rolled onto his back. His arms were absolutely _screaming_ at him and he got the feeling his back would not be far behind. It had been years since he could attribute the soreness to something _good_ , though. She shifted to her side, the two of them laying in companionable breathlessness.

 

“God _damn_.” She announced with authority, making him burst out laughing. “Guess you might have a few good years left in you after all.”

 

“I aim to please, Shep. Afraid my recovery time is going to disappoint.” Zaeed stretched his arms over his head, groaning quietly. “Goddamn worth every ache.” He murmured, more content than he could remember being in ages.

 

She tucked herself into his side after a moment, tugging her sheet up over the two of them. “Thank you.” The words were mumbled against his chest so softly he almost missed them.

 

“For goddamn _what_ , Shep?”

 

“Forgiving me.” She twiddled her fingers and refused to meet his eyes. “I…I know I already apologized, but…”

 

“It’s a goddamn shit gig, being the savior of humanity. Can’t do hardly anything without some goddamn asshole judging you for it. Can’t maroon some insubordinate, belligerent old _fuck_ on a hostile planet without feeling like a bad person for doing it.” Zaeed tapped the bridge of her nose. “I’ve had much worse done to me by men who I’ve known for goddamn _decades_ longer than you, Shep. You’ll have to try harder the next time you want to get rid of me.” He eased an arm around her shoulders, settling her in comfortably beside him. “So, Big Goddamn Hero, what’s next on your Reaper to-do list?”


End file.
